Sense (Within/Without)

what use for hands test various positions flat cupped gripping rest dead no use feel uneasy with presence empty feeling nothing clarify they feel the nothingness clarify further the nothingness of what is at hand no life no other life to hold imagine concrete statue fixed position lovers none

 

rub brow feel grease of living wipe on shirt question how grease comes matter of skin endurance constraint tested elements wear dirt film wrapped tight on brow extend to body filthy epidermis all

 

chip at lips chisel nail use collected gunk of persiflage crumbed diatribe dribbles collect on lips no moisture crack pick at mine shaft axe to cave wall mine blood with fingers swab with tongue bandage with saliva leave to heal

 

hair continues stubble pace against head cranium slow surface has itch again turn neck and rub on shoulder no need for hands chin worse dense it continuing without rest body not pausing question persistence perhaps defiance to death testament to living monument to organism breath leave

 

no voice with tongue and lungs but no ears external might as well be silence here no collection of thought spoken no one here to hear would listen enough inner monologue for mine contention could test voice take breath allow hum no need to create sound for myself others need no others please

 

no others need others need no others no need no need others need no others need others no

 

sigh regroup pause to consider situation not unique in occurrence has come before such stale repetition if only known how to break cyclic habits hamster on wheel dead hamster wheel still trundling pushing cadaver along tumbling over comical vision to begin with at least increased revolutions lead to tragedy stop won’t stop spin

 

lips still bother bite dust with teeth some wretched animal licking itself brown stain unknown origin must be internal came up from inside of me why residue of living by product

 

nails good nails once in youth clean formed cuticles cut trimmed shapely from no work now odd tiles plunged into tube ends unsightly misplaced these tubes aerials for cold each miniature cadaver rub for blood heat none why so explain cold

 

***

 

sky still there undoubtedly presence not to be denied even in darkest of seasons wrong to say source of light without it still be sun what but lower limits of atmosphere colourless from space perhaps today certainly clouds not apparent from limited view window box of blue over roves should be grateful unable to enjoy

 

feeling cold no clouds trapping heat in yes october cold only sensible this time in part of world so small centred on house above only on room felt weather within walls breathing on skin paint licks body ice tongue no not ice too much certainly say chilled tongue yes not restful

 

uneasy here extremities numbed partially partial to heat dream of taste hold on cloth soft tongue welcome barrier no walls felt yes walls penetrate still point of icicle finds goads rest not restful for curse now

 

light no heat universe fail star collapse on room black hole indeed now yes mystery why so failure order cosmos principle unknown thermodynamics thought wander in mind science memories physics chemistry biology surely some answer within all only know what felt cold ubiquitous answer here cold

 

sleeves down blanket up yes answer add cloth to equation shelter from walls hello light no companion where heat parent sun lost child as if no sun almost none

 

***

 

all quiet no storm no outside thought occasionally intrusion of motor noise hum of living subscripted modernity listen nothing listen to again feel presence of road rumble through night see no lights blind alley shout shuffles around corner faint peace though outside coughs humanity caught in its oesophagus heave

 

faint smell of onion on fingertip no wash prevail hands close to pillow night time scent persists onwards consider substance caught under nail no scrape removes invades enjoyment cotton sheets sick association tongue involved through mind disturbed stomach need clean new hands cannot achieve continue with old hands stained not useless remember not useless at all just stained

 

colour yes many too many for human count mind tired determining shades clash against wall bed floor cupboard clothes eyesore joins along sickness blind patterns roar on nerves light yes wish darkness no not yet soon perhaps darkness frees eyes eye blink temporal release must look still

 

hand skin glove unreal dry too itch slight use nail on arm cheek pleasing to engage so but sweat dirt felt need clean nice cool no water here hand soil palms wrinkle collect filth filth of living skin becoming dust feel float off surface cells launching in death no freedom for them released wish for wipe

 

dry now arid sleep carried over breath removing moisture salivate trying to clean chew tongue slight relief paste coat still drink no drink food no food food may worse air sand onion echo yes still

 

close lids restore all next

 

nothing now wait for some movement frictionless air seems waves dead hear only life of myself inner shell bones vibrate to silence no dance no steps aware greatly of absence emptiness looms cloth for night over head create own sound scratch of ankle groove back forth on bone dig bang spade shuffled bed sheets else dead boom of blood me no one

 

air took in nostril hair tingle searching fingers forage scraps pan river oxygen nitrogen elements gone no solid for sense react to flood in lungs oblige world comatose honest expectation vacancy so rare engage sense nothing

 

say blind not colour absence rather absence of colour thought memory yes no shade monochrome illusion thick dense of sleep awake in pit no light as knife open free of rush bombardment widen scan specks none strained search break dimension shape depth length breadth painted black wall on eyes closed to life bricked up nerves

 

float not quite nothing sensation recorded feel of skeleton unpeeled wire man limbs famine thin cage of throat lungs no reactive surfaces fingertips gone coolness heat dull no itch now bubble coma quarantine helplessness exposed nothing to expose to air still no air elementary presence gone undeveloped thought of womb under conditioned  vacuum abortion man interaction impossible now thought of loneliness nothing for company even

 

teeth yes teeth with tongue jaw cheek gum all silent no shout of taste chomp dead air bite nothing no feeling life blood gone saliva clear enzymes vacant buds not bloomed dead muscle flapping searching crumbs caught shreds in cavity none pocket in head feel emptiness of function useless contraption maxilla mandible shut

 

sleep pray of better days fear time consciousness soon